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Greetings sisters!
I hope you're pressing on after the Lord no matter what calling you have!
Today I wanted to share thoughts and encouragement or whatever it is on being single. Maybe it will encourage anyone else in that case or just anyone. We know there are benefits and challenges of both being single and being married. But I am just sharing a few personal thoughts and encouragement for whatever calling you do have. Just random thoughts and scriptures and encouragement that came to me.
As Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:7, "every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that.". And there could be times and seasons also but we know to love the Lord with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength is most important, right sisters. He is always to be first in our lives.
We know brother Paul personally encouraged people to be single although of course he didn't think it was sinful in any way to be married as he also commanded young women to marry (obviously if they could). Of course it's not sinful in the slightest as it's a beautiful design of God from the beginning.
And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.Genesis 2:18
He also said this...
Have we not power to lead about a sister, a wife, as well as other apostles, and as the brethren of the Lord, and Cephas?1 Corinthians 9:5
Here are some relevant scriptures from 1 Corinthians 7 of which you can go read the whole chapter to get a greater context.
But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you.
There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction.
The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.
But she is happier if she so abide, after my judgment: and I think also that I have the Spirit of God.
1 Corinthians 7:28, 34-35, 39-40
I share this scripture for balance and because we live by every word of God.
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.1 Timothy 5:14
I hope that encourages you married sisters in your calling! Good works you have which the Lord has given you!
Here also the young women are married with children...
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things;
That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,
To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:3-5
And in my sharing on thoughts on being single I am not coming from a feminist viewpoint of being anti-men...as I definitely am not. It's just facts and the proper gift of God that He has for me...for the time being or for life.
I do believe though that selfishness could be a big part of the reason some do not want to commit to marriage for life. We don't want that in our reasons though or wanting to be independent either. Being free to serve the Lord without distraction is a biblical reason if some prefer to remain single as Paul spoke about as his opinion and not under God's commandment. So keep that in mind any sister who would like to be married and that's not what the Lord has at the time or ever and we need to be good with everything He does! And of course you might think how few godly saints there are let alone godly young men. Yes so the whole concept of 'looking for a spouse' really doesn't exist and that takes away a lot of distraction of even thinking that because if the Lord has someone for us He will have to work almost miracles to make it happen. So we have to give that to Him and be good with whatever He has and work in whatever other things He has. Many other good works to do and we need to find them and be faithful in them the best we can.
But I really have been pondering what Paul means by focusing on the Lord without distraction and how I can do that better in my own life. It can't mean we go out and do the roles of men like making disciples, baptizing, teaching the body, or lifting up our voices in the streets calling men to repentance, no. It still must be within a woman's role...serving the Lord without distraction.
And neither can we expect life to be the same as it was in the early ekklesia days where there were groups of believers and the women laboured in the Lord in various ways under the authority of the brothers. They would have served and helped much in a great variety of women's roles and the single women no doubt could have had more freedom to do so than the married women with children. It would not be proper for a married woman to neglect her children and husband and go and do other things even if they are good things in themselves. In that, perhaps we can take some thoughts from this scripture of women looking after their own too...
But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.1 Timothy 5:8
So the married women have their households to look after first. And that surely does take a lot of effort and strength to do which is pleasing to the Lord but could be a challenge in trying to have her thoughts and attention on the Lord. Of course that can happen to the single women too in serving others or working a job as there's always physical things in this world to do but just the part that may not be in a single woman's thoughts is the constant attention needed to be pleasing a husband.
If you have a husband...good...please him in honoring, obeying and loving him the best you can. If you don't have a husband...good...focus on whatever ministries you have unto the Lord. We believe the scripture about all things working for good, right sisters? So we sisters know the Lord's calling for us is good whatever it is. Both the married and unmarried woman will need to crucify her flesh in whatever way she needs to in order to be content with the life the Lord has. The flesh has a tendency to want something we don't have in a number of areas doesn't it?! But if we know the Lord we have everything really, right sisters?!
As is usual for most young women...the desire to be married...it must be surrendered to the Lord and we become living sacrifices for Him as in all other areas too. This is just one of them.
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service.Romans 12:1
We do not compromise on truth or holiness just for a husband of course. That could be like 'gaining the world' but potentially losing our soul. Foolish. God is our first love. We live to please the Lord and of course He is able to make a way if He has that calling for us, so there's nothing we can do about it or to change the situation but keep being faithful in what we do have. It's really lack of trust and unbelief even if we doubt He knows what is best for our lives and can make it change if He wanted to. But we should focus on the work He has for us right in front of us and be thankful and content even if that can be hard sometimes but He helps us overcome all things and we set our affection on Him and things above and how we can serve Him best here.
And I was also thinking that many speak about 'keeping ourselves pure' for a potential husband. Really we don't need to focus on that either because we do that for the Lord anyway as He forbids any kind of sins that would defile us, so again it's all for the Lord and humans just reap the benefits of us being holy unto Him. Of course that would be part of it but the bigger picture is that it's keeping yourself holy for the Lord, obeying the gospel.
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints;
Neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor jesting, which are not convenient: but rather giving of thanks.
For this ye know, that no whoremonger, nor unclean person, nor covetous man, who is an idolater, hath any inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and of God.
Let no man deceive you with vain words: for because of these things cometh the wrath of God upon the children of disobedience.
Ephesians 5:3-6
And really, trials in this life are only as hard as you make them as this life is so short and we are living for our eternity with the Lord where there is no marriage except the marriage of the Lamb and that's what each of us are preparing for...to be found holy and unblemished for Him! That's the bigger picture than just caring about our temporary life down here.
For in the resurrection they neither marry, nor are given in marriage, but are as the angels of God in heaven.Matthew 22:30
And Jesus answering said unto them, The children of this world marry, and are given in marriage: But they which shall be accounted worthy to obtain that world, and the resurrection from the dead, neither marry, nor are given in marriage:Luke 20:34-35
Let us be glad and rejoice, and give honour to him: for the marriage of the Lamb is come, and his wife hath made herself ready. And to her was granted that she should be arrayed in fine linen, clean and white: for the fine linen is the righteousness of saints. And he saith unto me, Write, Blessed are they which are called unto the marriage supper of the Lamb. And he saith unto me, These are the true sayings of God.Revelation 19:7-9
Even if we don't have a husband we are still to be in our roles under men as 1 Corinthians clearly states the order of God, Christ, man, woman. We can't teach men nor usurp authority when we are single either. But that's a whole other subject to study and obviously one we want to obey as well.
We may also have to be under authority of others if we are serving them or working a job to make our way in this world. So just because we are not married does not mean we are completely 'free', or have no distractions, just less.
I have known marriages that seem to have no issues and ones that have many issues and ones in between too so they are not all the same of course as every one is different. So if you're single you don't have to worry about the trials that could come with it, even when you see good peaceful loving marriages and of course that's what you would hope for too but reality is this life will always have trials of some sort as humans are humans but of course in the Lord His ways will be strived for so saints should have the best marriages really and be growing into it as a picture of Christ and the ekklesia. When God's ways are followed...it is beautiful in every area of life.
And I know a concern of mothers is their children's futures. The time is so late and perilous that you can be concerned what will come in your children's generation if you have them. We have seen drastic declines in our own lifetime so Christ's return is getting closer and there is the great tribulation before it. Single women don't have to have this concern and if they do end up being married with children one day they can know they are the Lord's and He will be there for them if they are followers of His! Rest in that mothers! Do your best and trust them to the Lord!
If we are single we may be more free to help sisters in the body too if we know of any. And we also may have to have more dealings with people in the world especially if you're living on your own and this will also give you more potential opportunities to share the glad tidings of the Saviour!
In there being more freedom to serve the Lord without distraction I am still pondering the depths of what this means and the benefits of it for me and to use it to the fullest in ways I can. Of course I haven't been on the other side in marriage to know the side of needing to please a husband all the time and also there may be children but those in themselves will be how you can please the Lord by serving and loving, if you're married sisters. But yes I see as a wife a woman will need to submit to her husband and be under his authority and fit in with him in what she will do at this and that time and such like. Though I'm sure a godly husband will give her time to spend in the Word and prayer and such and helping sisters in the body if she knows of any or helping women seekers etc. So yes definitely there's going to be less distractions even if you have people you're serving and you need to please them and be 'on duty'. But sometimes I hesitate to say there's less distractions lest I look like a feminist and anti men which I'm not but if you're single you will be able to make more of your own daily decisions without having to please a husband. And we may think we would appreciate being able to speak with someone on making decisions but we all just do the best we all can no matter what calling we have.
But having said that obviously there are limitations on what is wise for a single woman out in this dark world and it's not that you can have the freedom that a man may have and go everywhere and do more. A single woman will not have the calling to be a preacher of the gospel out by herself lifting up her voice in the streets which is really like going to war alone but in a spiritual sense. God gives such jobs of great spiritual authority and warfare to the men. But of course she will speak about Jesus to those she meets if she can and there may be more other ways she can serve those around her. Truly it is a dark evil world and we need to be wise. This is not a post about all the possible ministries women can have so I won't list them all. I'm glad I have this blog and have a lot of time to share much with you which I hope is an encouragement for you so that is one of my main ministries and how I can please the Lord.
And also I am not without mercy to have understanding to any sister who does have a husband (believer or unbeliever) and he makes many of the decisions to what she does and doesn't do etc. Of course she must obey the Lord over man but there are many judgements and discernments she will need to submit to him in and this may be very hard especially if she sees things differently. And also if a wife has a disobedient husband she is to win him without the Word by her holy life. Obviously a single sister will not have this concern. And I understand and respect sisters who need to submit to be in obedience to their husbands as I'm sure it can produce conflict in the mind and much flesh killing at times. Do your best and keep discerning and testing all things obviously and the Lord sees and knows all things!
I hope in this post I am fair to both sides as I am not really promoting any side but the Lord's proper gift for each sister at the time! I hope you see that and can rejoice and be thankful for whatever life the Lord has for you!
Sisters, if you're married...give it your everything unto the Lord to be the best wife: loving, kind, caring, respectful, submitted, obedient, doing him good and not evil, being the best helper. This pleases the Lord as He commands it!
Sisters, if you're single...give it your everything as unto the Lord too. Focus on Him and feed on His Word and strive to be pure and holy unto Him. Look for ways to serve Him and others and fulfil whatever ministry you can unto sisters, or to others and work if you need to and can to not be a burden to anyone.
While I would like to be married, I'm thankful I don't worry about it and am submitted to whatever the Lord's will is and just as life is more than food and raiment it's more than marriage and no matter what the Lord's will is He has work for His daughters and we just need to find it in front of us and be faithful in it and be thankful and content even if it's not what we would choose if we had all the options. God knows best! It may be a simple quiet life which not many people see but know the Lord sees sisters! And we need to be good witnesses at all times and ready to give an answer to the hope we have! We can have the time to read the Word and study it and that's a good thing to spend our time in. We can encourage sisters with sharing edifying on what we find in the Word including with busy sisters with children! We may be free to help mothers with children as we don't have any of our own...and that's a great blessing to them. So you sure can be a blessing to others whatever calling you have.
So whatever your calling sisters it's just very important not to complain or be unthankful isn't it, as we know what God thinks of that when the children of Israel were doing that. He killed them. I don't want that for any of my sisters whether you are single and want to be married or if you're married and it's hard and you're unthankful where the Lord has you. There's always going to be trials in any life single or married so we all better just focus on the Lord and what He has in front of us and do it with joy right sisters?!
Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.Philippians 4:11
So if you're married and there's some hard parts to that or you're married to an unbeliever be thankful and content and do all things as unto the Lord and know it's your proper gift of God for that time (with only death or certain sin changing that).
And if you're single and there's some hard parts to that be thankful and content and rejoice in the Lord and see what He may have for you and see where perhaps there could be some extra freedom to focus on the Lord without as many distractions as brother Paul told us.
So maybe those have edified and encouraged you all somehow whether you're single or married. I know I went all over the place but in summary...whatever your calling...rejoice in it and serve the Lord with your whole heart sisters! And others in your life will reap great benefits too!
Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice.Philippians 4:4
Yes notice it says 'in the Lord'. Yes...He is our portion!
Fear not; for thou shalt not be ashamed: neither be thou confounded; for thou shalt not be put to shame: for thou shalt forget the shame of thy youth, and shalt not remember the reproach of thy widowhood any more.
For thy Maker is thine husband; the LORD of hosts is his name; and thy Redeemer the Holy One of Israel; The God of the whole earth shall he be called.
For the LORD hath called thee as a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit, and a wife of youth, when thou wast refused, saith thy God.
For a small moment have I forsaken thee; but with great mercies will I gather thee.
In a little wrath I hid my face from thee for a moment; but with everlasting kindness will I have mercy on thee, saith the LORD thy Redeemer.
Isaiah 54:4-8
So keep pressing on my dear sisters! One day all the various things we face on this earth will be no more! And we shall see His face and serve Him! Let us labour for that time! It's a great time of preparing and testing here. Let's be part of the one true body the ekklesia, the bride of Christ, striving to be holy and without blemish pure and not defiled with the world or false gods.
For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chaste virgin to Christ.2 Corinthians 11:2
That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.Ephesians 5:27
Love in Christ,
Sister Chayil
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